More awards night controversies

One always likes to think that prestigious awards are given due to merit alone. Fairness and honesty, as opposed to money changing hands in smoke-filled backrooms. But, loyal readers, the worst has happened.

My nomination of God for the S Freds has had its legitimacy challenged. Rocketing to clear favoritism, God had one hand on the trophy. Unfortunately the rules are being changed to prevent God from even entering. She's not too happy and moderate smiting will most likely be carried out. I recommend staying indoors for the time being, but if you must go outdoors, metal-tipped umbrellas are not recommended.

It should also be noted that this is not an isolated case of an award cruely denied. The 2007 Darwin award winners have been published, with Jason Ackerman and Sara Rydman taking the top gong.

Two students who died after climbing into a huge helium-filled balloon for the 'buzz' of inhaling the gas paid the ultimate price for their stupidity.

But at least Jason Ackerman and Sara Rydman, both 21, have won posthumous recognition – topping the list at the annual Darwin Awards.

The pair were discovered with their feet sticking out of a deflated promotional balloon used to advertise flats for sale at LakeView, South Florida.

The two apparently pulled the balloon out of the sky and squeezed themselves inside, where they died of oxygen starvation.

They were, presumably, unaware that many regard helium is the best gas for euthanasia.

But surely the third place getter, an unnamed Brazilian, deserved the title.

In third place was a Brazilian who tried to dismantle a rocket-propelled grenade by driving back and forth over it with his car.

When the weapon failed to break up, he attacked it with a sledgehammer. The explosion killed him and destroyed six cars and his workplace.

Fraud, I tells ya, fraud!!!!!!!